Author Archive for drake

At the Edge of the Solar System

Good morning SuperForest!

You may be familiar with this pale blue dot:

Hooray Earth!

And  you may remember the beloved Carl Sagan’s words about this image:

“We succeeded in taking that picture [from deep space], and, if you look at it, you see a dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever lived, lived out their lives. The aggregate of all our joys and sufferings, thousands of confident religions, ideologies and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilizations, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every hopeful child, every mother and father, every inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every superstar, every supreme leader, every saint and sinner in the history of our species, lived there on a mote of dust, suspended in a sunbeam.”

And, being that we are a repository of existential loveliness, you may remember Jordan and Jackson’s fabulous posts. But hark! There’s news!

As I type these words on a chilly gray Park Slope (fancy!) day, our species may just be crossing a threshold. This cosmic coming-of-age is due to the fact that Voyager 1 and 2, that dynamic duo of interstellar explorers is in the blazing precarity of the heliosphere, the outermost edge of our solar system, where the wooshing solar winds meet interstellar gases, and beyond lies … the unknown. As in, team humanity is almost out of reach of our fair and noble Sun’s magnetic fields, and those lovely little Voyagers are about to — as in within the next decade — exit into the greatest of beyond. Our first kiss with the outer cosmos. And you always remember your first.

Hooray humanity, and our soon-to-be universe smooch!

This post inspired by the wowtastic RADIOLAB from WNYC, which might be the most aurally delicious podcast around. 

(BONUS BOWIE (WHY NOT?))

 

 

Incredible Amazing SuperForest Birthday Wow!

Birthday Cake 

Hello friends,

I have a big announcement: this is an especially special day, as it is the birthday of not one but two of the most fabulous people I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with, our very own Heather and Jackson. We’ve written and read one another’s words for a few years now, and these two inspire me endlessly. Here are some choice bits:

 

 

“We grow up learning about self-esteem, self-respect and self-love from friends, family, school, workshops, etc. etc. etc. Sometimes all of that learning is floating around in our heads, but we don’t feel it. For me, it took an honest conversation to wake me up to the destructive pattern I’d been self-inflicting. I didn’t think I was enough, I compared myself to others, and I was worried if I outwardly loved myself too much, I’d come across as cocky and self-absorbed. What I realized, however, is that I am a unique, amazing, beautiful person and I have a lot to offer this world — I just have to get out of my own way and love myself, so that I can find inner peace, a joy-filled life, and a loving life-partner, ” from Heather’s Journal: Love Thyself.

 

 

“This transmission of knowledge without communication is something that I have thought much about since I left CEDU. I have seen firsthand what it means to simply yell at someone to do something, or to belittle them into subservience to your will. That does not interest me. Violence is something I have explored so thoroughly, it no longer has any luster to me. For me, to communicate true joy and love has become the challenge. Without words. I am great at words! I can word, word, word, along with the best of them. But to simply live in joy, and transmit the life of joy, has been my goal,” from Jackson’s Journal: Where is the Fun? 

AND ONE BONUS BIRTHDAY: Today is also the birthday of Chögyam Trungpa, Tibetan Buddhist lama and American beat poet.

 

 

“There is no problem when people are not stuck on anything but are in the process of expanding. Then you can find a sense of built-in freedom. Don’t try to put everything into a pigeonhole. If you do that, you might find yourself stuck in one pigeonhole. But if you regard your existence as cosmic, then you won’t be stuck on anything. Our home is not just this planet Earth. It is our solar system.” from I Don’t Know Where But I Love This Book

Triple birthday love-wisdom bonanza. Wow. Big thanks to all of you for being awesome.

Love,

Drake

Drake’s Journal: A Reflection (Dropping Anchor in New York)

You are falling from the sky.
The bad news is
you have no parachute.
The good news is
there is no ground
.

- Chögyam Trungpa

Oh, Dear Beloved SuperForest,

It has been too long.

Transition is like a window to your heart. Everyone sees you blown apart. And, friends, I am being blown apart once again, as in a week’s time I will be setting down by traveler’s pack for what might be a long while, to pursue a writing career in the great city of New York.

I have shared with you, my fair and precious readers, snapshots of my life on the road, and perhaps I should have shared more; it was difficult to gauge how much I needed to withdraw from the world in order to find myself or whatever it was I went looking for. I’ll be regaling you with some of the best stories from my travels soon, but in the meantime, I think we’re due for a heart to heart.

As of one month ago—that is, the end of January—I was planning to be returning to South Korea to have another tour of teaching English, and, to me, more importantly, to immerse myself in the Zen Buddhist culture there, before wending my way up South America to New York in a year and a half to get into journalism. Ant though this narrative sounded good to me, an I would have time to write and take part in other project publications, it did not release a sense of yearning and dread, a dressing more tart than balsamic vinaigrette that the salad of my soul needed to be rid of. And so I felt haunted, in a way, walking lonesome on snowy Turkish mountains and longing through the second deck of a London bus – and a close friend asked, Why not go to New York now? why not go?

I gurgled back I’m just not ready! and I don’t have the money! and, to myself, AHHHH! But the challenge of that fabled metropolis, and the adventure of forging my career, filled me with a mixture of excitement and fear. With a lingering question in my head, and a fork in the road approaching, I boarded a flight to JFK, to visit friends I hand’t seen in years, and to dip a toe into electric waters.

On the other side of the Atlantic, I was greeted by a third-grade classmate who’s already gone to LA and now to NY and is well on her way to her dreams, and, standing in the Strand Bookshop near Union Square, sisterly asked, Are you going to come here? and I thought Y..yes? and I said mrmrmrmrmaybe? In Manhattan that night, and on the subway to Brooklyn, I took in the young and hardworking swirling about, and thought, these are my people.

A week went by in the city: Warm weather. A Super Bowl victory. Friendship renewal. A phone, a charger. The fluttering bird inside my chest: perching, roosting, possible nesting. A decision made. One very disappointed school in Korea, and some very happy parents in America.

So, next week, on the day of the leap (that’s the 29th), I will land in New York, one-way. Two bags. Friend’s couches to as-yet-unknown-sublet to one-day-a-lease. Freelancing to as-yet-unknown-internship to one-day-a-full-time-job. And a lot of what I need to do to get to what I want to do, somewhere in the thought-and-word industry. Known and unknown.

A great leap in the great leap year of the water dragon.

And if you’re in New York, you are always welcome with me.

Love,

Drake

(p.s.: This replugging means that this SuperForest is about get real energetic. This is going to be fun.

In Mind, in Body, in Space: Following up on the Sacred

A comment from Jackson on my last post, regarding creating sacred spaces in everyday life:

This is fantastic, Drake! The question I ask myself is: How big can I make my sacred space?

Can it be bigger than a room? Could it be the whole house? Could it be the whole street? Could it be the planet itself? Could I stretch out really far and contain the entirety of the Universe within my sacred space?
If I did that, I would reside within my sacred space forever.

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A reply, in three parts:
I. IMAGINATION EXPERIMENTS
You are in your backyard, an open winter’s plain, with a camera in hand, and a spindly birch stands alone before you. A sparrow flies to a far branch and begins to tweet, and you turn your head to the stimuli. The angle of vision shifts. Light and shadow form a new composition. “Snap” goes the shutter.
It’s the high summer. You are lying in bed, looking out the window to the same tree. Feeling hot, you switch on the fan above you. You look again at the cedar, now full and green. Coolness on your face brings your attention back to the fan. You look up, and follow one blade’s spin, slowing its orbit with your concentration.
That fall, standing in line at the grocery store, you are a bit bored. You need to get home, and the fluorescent lights give you a headache. Your jaw tightens. The cashier is taking too long, and the little kids up anew spots ahead are getting annoying.
Or, rather, you catch yourself growing annoyed, blink well, and exhale. You breathe down into your soles, let your arches rest, and feel the ground beneath your toes. Frustration melts into relaxation, and the environment shifts: the lights illuminate, the cashier is thorough, and the children’s whimsy delightful.
Light and shadow recompose. The blade slows.
A smile alights on the corners of your mouth.

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II. PHENOMENOLOGICAL CONFESSIONAL 
When I was a boy, I played lots of video games. I remember, in my early illiteracy, begging my sister to read to me the text of RPGs. As with many of my ilk, the screen, I think, shaped the way that I relate to myself.
I remember standing in front of the bathroom mirror, one of those places of childhood epiphany, and touching my face, thinking, “this is my body, this is the one I get.” I had, through the analogy of SEGA, thought of my body as something I was “playing,” the character given for this life.
Using myself as an example, I tend to identify with the witnessing screen of my consciousness, rather than this body, as me. And, contrarily, I tend to see others as their bodies; it takes consideration to realize that in this other collection of parts lives a consciousness, with a history of breakups and best friends and ice cream preferences. Unexamined, I harbor a frayed mind/body dualism: I am only my mind, they are only their bodies.
Descartes would suggest that this consciousness and this body are running parallel to one another, and do not intersect. This seems silly, as this mind and this body are constantly interacting. When I hit my head on something, consciousness knows it too.
Going back to childhood, the screen conditioned me into a mediated identity. There was the subject, consciousness, and the object, the body, which have a mysterious degree of separation. We often talk of “having” a body, but rarely of “being” a body. Perhaps this is a reason that so many, including myself, tend to neglect, or even harm, our bodies, which are somehow so far away. But it is in the body that the consciousness is in the world. Rather than being mutually exclusive, mind and body are mutually inclusive.
Our bodies are constantly communicating with us. “Listen to your body, listen to your body.” But what is it saying, and how do I listen? Most obvious is “HUNGRY” and “SLEEPY!” but what are the less obvious elements, the tension in the shoulders, the pull in the hamstrings, saying to us?
A teacher once told me that all body tension is emotional. And with meditation and yoga my incredulity had eroded. It seems that it is a sensitivity to these feelings that is needed to udnrstand them. It is a though my body is a class of students, and each part wants to be called on to say what happened over the weekend. That tension, or that peace, radiates in consciousness, and out into our surroundings. The mind is manifest in the body, the body manifest in the mind.

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Relationship is everywhere, and everywhere we are shown ourselves. The other reveals us … The whole always throws the parts into relationship, polishing the mirrors. What we see happening in the external drama we can be sure is part of ourselves. It is said that a cow walked across the entire city of Baghdad and saw only some hay that had fallen off a wagon. Likewise, some people travel all around the world and report back that everyone tried to cheat them.
Coleman Barks’s commentary, The Essential Rumi.
 –

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III. CONSCIOUSNESS AND ENVIRONMENT

When first laying eyes on the Himalayas, or Monet’s <em> Water Lillies </em>>, one may emit a soft “ah,” a soft vocalization of placid awe. This awe extinguishes anxiety, and the conscious mind rests on the beauty it beholds. Correspondingly, the body relaxes and releases. For a moment, the “I” and its projected barriers are gone, and consciousness is unseparated from its environment. The lover dissolves into the beloved, and this is, to me, the essence of sacred experience.
What is important to keep in mind is that consciousness does not exist somewhere else; the phenomena we experience through our senses are not behind a screen, the mind is not mediated. The state of consciousness is reflected in the body’s posture and movement, the tension of muscles and joints, in the tone of voice, in the feeling communicated by physical touch. As well, the state of consciousness frames, or perhaps even defines, what one takes away from a particular location.
Christianity and Buddhism agree that the body is a temple. The body exudes its consciousness, and if one makes safe refuge within one’s body, the way that the druid feels in Stonehenge, or the francophile in Montmartre, the sacred space of the mind expands, and the peace of that consciousness acts as a temple blessing to all those that interact with it.
Last summer in Dharamsala I received a teaching from the Dalai Lama, and walking from his throne to his car, he turned to his right and, for the briefest of moments, His Holiness connected eyes with me, and I froze in elation; all my ideas my ideas fell down, and he turned back to his path, and I cooed and clapped in a fit of Lama-induced love-hysterics.
What is the well-spring of said swoon? How is it that His Holiness radiates radical peace, through the medium of air into me? I do not know, but I sense that in that lustrous mind of his is a calm ocean, and that serenity of consciousness is manifest in the body.
In loving, we train ourselves to love more. In perceiving the beauty of the world, we make ourselves more vulnerable to seeing the beauty that is inside us. By stepping into the quiet beauty within consciousness, and gain an appreciation for this foundation of living, we in turn open our aesthetic aperture. In the calm abiding of sensing beauty in the “screen” of consciousness, one begins to appreciate the beauty of the body. This threefold sensitivity to beauty, at the seat of consciousness, as part of the body, and within space, creates a sustainable, positive, psychological ecology, transcendent of “everywhere.”
A SuperForest.
Love,
Drake

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The Daily Work of Sacred Space

Bill Moyers: You write in “The Mythic Image” about the center of transformation, the idea of a sacred place where the temporal walls may dissolve to reveal a wonder. What does it mean to have a scared place?

Joseph Campbell: This is an absolute necessity for anybody today. You must have a room, or a certain hour or so a day, where you don’t know what was in the newspapers that morning, you don’t know who your friends are, you don’t know what you owe anybody, you don’t know what anybody owes to you. This is a place where you can simply experience and bring forth what you are and what you might be. This is the place of creative incubation. At first you may find that nothing happens there. But if you have a sacred place and use it, something eventually will happen.

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It does seem that kindness is the door to happiness, and we would do well to remember that kindness is a graceful affection to another — as well as to one’s self. To provide a still place and time for simply existing — whether it be with a book, a piece of music, or a craft — is one of the most nourishing services we can do for ourselves. And, indeed, this allows us to relieve stress, and thus be of greater service to others.

I think of my own meditation practice. Sitting on the cushion, I rest my weight on my seat, and I feel the slow pull of tension from my groin to my knees. I balance on the cushion, equal parts peaceful and precarious. As my breathe fills my stomach, and my monkey mind begins to rest, the tension in my hips releases, quiet as a silent ripple’s song. I give the tightness to the ground. With stalactite certainty, my knees drip down to the earth. The mono- of my balancing act becomes tri-, and the base of support becomes solid. Relaxed and alert, I am, without doing, meditating.

In this way, the clumsy can become coordinated. Or, in my case, at least more so.

Was it market urgency that drove away the space of the sacred? In sacred acts, It is not even patience that takes place, for patience regards some event in the future. When the sabbath is created in our lives we allow ourselves to simply exist, to be with gentle care. It is in this way that pouring a cup of tea becomes ritual, and in the heaving half-circle steps after a long run that one is deeply alive. Sanskrit, as always, provides an apt term: shamatha, meaning calm abiding, loosely focused, the way the gardener lovingly trims the plant, or the artists brushes paint across the canvas. This is, I think, what we call grace.

There is a tenderness within us that I take to be the seat of the soul. The cup filled by the muse. Within this inside-quiet lies inspiration and possiblity beyond anything yet known; indeed, it is from the unknown inside that the new is created. We venture into uninterpreted space, and, with courage and faith and trust, are able to share our findings: in art, in conversation, in love. This, then, is the beautiful forge of creativity, shamatha awareness transforming the inner to outer.

The only thing holding us back is us. Every barrier, every border, is our own. If we are to grow, we must take full responsibilty for our prejudices: Every “I can’t” is an atrophied “I don’t.” We must face the fear at the bottom of the learning curve. We must not yield to our doubts, if we are to yield to our dreams.

Projects are daunting. They daunt; they are experts at it. The “can’t” chorus sings siren song, but the “can” camp swells with each daily drop in the bucket. The year is young. Plenty of buckets to choose from. So What is your sacred shamatha vessel, and how will you gracefully fill it?

Drake’s Journal: Old Year, New Year

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One year dies. Another is born. A life consuming a life. Two thousand and eleven, tottering into two thousand and twelve, this year that carries so much connotation. Will the world end? Possibly. Will it continue? Most probably. A day ends, another begins. The earth rotates, the earth orbits; turning, turning, turning. The heart pumps out red, receives blue. A transfer, transform, transport, translate:

The Sufis dance sema, the gentle whirl for which the dervish are known. Arm extended, face to the side, turning, turning, turning, the spin they learn from the nail in the ground. The slow burn of rapture. A touch of the divine. Lover and beloved, turning, turning. Rotation. A year, a day, a life, ends. Another begins.

Pause.

There is still time to rejoice. The content of mental life is shaped by its stimulus, from within and without. A diet of resentment encourages jealousy, envy, the sad cousins of comparison. A habit of appreciation engenders joy, even awe, healthy servings for the “good cholesterol” of the ego. Let us be in awe of this year. Of all that has happened. And rather than punishing ourselves for what we haven’t done, rejoice in the steps taken. This is positivity.

Yet there is also negative space. Absence, as presence. Known and unknown. A thought appears in the conscious mind, and absorbs back into the unconscious. Is it gone, disappeared? Unknown, a possible return. The absence inside gives meaning to the form of the bell. Ring, ring, ring. A new year approaches. A vessel of life. Fill it, but not all the way. Presence, absence.

Turning, turning, turning.

A healthy relationship with absence, with the not done, or not yet done, is needed. As an American, I was brought up to believe that I can and would do everything. And so I threw myself around, in anguish for all that I have not and will not be. Fear, anger, arrogance: a greed for experience. Don’t confuse the universe, trust intuition. A profound mystery lies inside of us. Go toward that. Let all that is not you fall away.

As a hair is pulled from a slab of butter.

The new year approaches, the orbit-lap is nearly made. We carry the momentum of our many causes, soon to become effects. Yesterday’s premises created today. The self is the product of accumulated habits.

From today, tomorrow.

2011, 2012.

Due cause for a party.

Alter a step, change the dance.

Peace and blessings,

Drake


He who binds himself to a Joy,
Does the winged life destroy;
He who kisses the Joy as it flies,
Lives in eternity’s sunrise.
William Blake

Drake’s Journal: Translation, the Unconscious and the Persian Renaissance

Dear friends: in early November my friend Tobias hosted me at his flat in Berlin. As happens with wondrous friendship, our discussions have set off mutual fits of inspiration. Tobi invited me to write an essay for his college magazine, which you will find below. I hope you enjoy it. And I encourage you, dear reader, to print out the text, or at least close your other tabs. Thank you.

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Every translation is an exercise in imperfection.

Rhythm shifts, the flow of sounds is rerouted. How can a verse, wrenched from its native habitat, be nearly as vital in a new one? Is there a more intimate connection than the one between a poem and its language? More essentially, in poetry, language is a vehicle for emotional movement. It is this inner feeling which makes for itself a home in a new tongue, rather than its former outward expression in language.

We cannot ask our translators to midwife equivalence, but rather rebirth. When a poem comes into a new tongue, it is the same soul finding expression in a new personality, all the more beautiful for not being identical.

A successful translation is a collaboration between languages and eras. The translator does great service to her generation and those thereafter, allowing novel thoughts to enter the discourse. As a pinch of ginger enhances a whole dish, a translated text enlivens a literature.

Such is the case a Mevlana Jalaluddin Rumi, the thirteenth-century Persian mystic who is the best-selling poet in America. He has come alive thanks to interpretive free verse renderings of Coleman Barks, (Daniel Ladinsky has done similar work with Hafiz, who came a generation later). Barks tells a story of how he was once asked “to free these poems,” shedding them of scholastic rigidity. I cannot be the first to have been effected by these verses:

“the way of love is not a subtle argument;
the door there is devastation.”

It is not in clever reasoning that one lives in a loving manner, but in deep feeling. That an eight-hundred-year-old Sufi speaks so strongly, and so broadly, to America, is cause for consideration.

That a text in a way so foreign is also so familiar suggests that times and settings are as similar as they are different. As long as man has had the opportunity to contemplate he has been subject to hope and doubt, as long as man has had relationships he has felt joy and sorrow. In reaching deep into the nonconceptual self the poet finds what is common to all, an insight into humanity transcending cultural bounds. Translation is essential because it allows the culturally transcendent to find a home in a new tongue.

An Indian folk tale tells of four old blind men who encounter an elephant for the first time. The elders span across the creature, each touching another part. Handling the tusk, the first observes that elephants are hard and sharp. The second, palming its knee, finds that elephants are rough and thick. The third, grappling with the trunk, declares that elephants are like snakes, but blow out much more air. The last, holding the tail, suggests that elephants are rat like and smell foul. Yet each touches the elephant.

Similarly, though our experiences with existence are of staggering difference, they are, none the less, of the same kind; they are encounters with living. It is in this way that distant texts are of such value: the circumstances that create the life of a Rumi or a Rilke are so different from one another, as well as our own, yet are so much the same. Their verses were written in diffent tongues, but their emotional referents are often parallel, if not the same. This is what literature, especially translated verse, gives to us: the poet undergoes trial or triumph, and expresses the process in verse. When the poem is good, it allows the reader to undergo a version of said events, in the way that a computer can simulate the flight of an airplane. And just as a flight simulation provides training for the pilot, a quality poem allows for a simulation of phenomena within the reader, whether it be redemption of a man or the smell of a rose. We gain wisdom through life experience, and poetry, as well as its cousins in fiction, is uniquely suited to providing a rendering of such experience. As readers, we benefit greatly by sampling the lives of those across places and times.

French philosopher Gaston Blachard describes the reading of the poem as a series of phenomena, a succession of images. The image reverberates in the reader: memories and other associations light up with a phrase. This is the personal nature of the poem. The space it inhabits and moves within is the emotional core, the soul. Rather than the lexical work of shifting a word from one tongue to another, the best translations preserve the emotional melody and rhythm of reverberations within the reader.

It can be said that all external language is translation. The often murky substance of feeling is something that cannot be properly called language, at least not one that can be shared, as while there may be syntax and vocabulary, there is not a clear expression. The antecedent feat of translation is to bring the unconscious into the conscious.

Our interior lives are complex and diffuse. It is reasonable to posit that we are constantly in communication with ourselves. There appears to be an intrapersonal forum inside, within which there are many voices. It could be said that one is blocked, emotionally or in some other way, if one denies the expression of said voices, be they that of the intuition, the emotions, or the intellect. Similar to the Millsian theory of the marketplace of ideas, that being an argument for an inclusive society in order to draw from the broadest range of thought, regardless of class, gender, or other distinction, there is an inner society of unconscious and conscious, and to refuse part of this society is to reduce one’s spectrum of experience, to not use all of the tools available to us in life.

This may be extrapolated to the nature of literature in translation: each person, and each culture, has a unique interpretation of the profoundly common experience of being human. The poet is gifted in the navigation and expression of his or her interior space, in which he or she contends with the pervasive trials of life. What we have then is more hands on the elephant. The poet reaches deep into himself to find what is common to all. The translator makes that insight available to another culture. And may our culture do the same for the next.

The Gifts are Everywhere.

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A little bit of JOY to the WORLD, courtesy of SuperForester Jeremy:


Every day
I see or hear
something
that more or less

kills me
with delight,
that leaves me
like a needle

in the haystack
of light.
It was what I was born for -
to look, to listen,


to lose myself
inside this soft world -
to instruct myself
over and over

in joy,
and acclamation.
Nor am I talking
about the exceptional,


the fearful, the dreadful,
the very extravagant -
but of the ordinary,
the common, the very drab,

the daily presentations.
Oh, good scholar,
I say to myself,
how can you help

but grow wise
with such teachings
as these -
the untrimmable light

of the world,
the ocean’s shine,
the prayers that are made
out of grass?


“Mindful” – Mary Oliver
(Why I Wake Early)

Merry Christmas!

In Konya, Turkey, a Pilgrimage for a Poet

“Come, whoever you are, even if you’ve broken your vow a hundred times, come again.”

On this day in 1273, the one we often call Rumi died. He is said to have shouted on his deathbed, “Wait, dear earth, you shall have your sweet morsel soon.” This is celebrated as his wedding day, the day he made union with the Beloved, the name Sufis give to God, the universe, or whatever it is this is. He was a scholar and a poet, and, in my estimation, one of the great cartographers of the murky terrain of the human heart. He has had a profound effect on me. His words often escape my lips as though they were my own; once my friend Maddie said to me, laughing, “that’s one way you could do it, just keep quoting Rumi until you get it right!” Such is the nature of the lover of poems: at some point, authorship is shared between writer and reader.

The minute I heard my first love story
I started looking for you, not knowing
how blind that was.

Lovers don’t finally meet somewhere.
They’re in each other all along.

And so I have come to Konya, Rumi’s home, a small city in the middle of the great Turkish Steppe. My friend and host Fatih dozes in this brightly lit room, and I type quietly at this tablet. His mother and father make morning sounds in the kitchen, another couchsurfer sleeps in the living room. I came only last night and they treat me as family. There is perhaps no more beautiful sentence than “You are welcome.”

2:48 pm

I am so happy right now I could burst. I sit inside Mawlana’s tomb, this mosque turned museum, with my legs crossed, eye-level with editions of the kur’an seven hundred years old or older. Neh flute music floats above the chatter of the faithful. Yesterday I came here, to a quiet reflective place, where I meditated and wrote, nestled in a corner. Today, on this wedding day, the mosque is crowded, a queue forms for the protective galoshes before entry, and inside a thin line snakes through standing and sitting believers. There are four chambers once inside, the first has cream white walls and tall onion domes, the names of God painted in the cornices of rising domes. The ban on images in Islam has motivated the complex development of pattern and calligraphy, often combined into one. The first chamber has the graves of Rumi’s followers, and his living followers stand shoulder to shoulder, tiny books of his aphorisms open, Arabic script dancing quietly across the page.

Walking through the crowd and into second chamber, the calm whites of the rest give way to the brilliant turquoise eruption surrounding the masters tomb. The tomb sits high on four pillars, and the green dervish turban, called the gravestone of the ego, sits atop the silver patterned blanket draped over the Sufi’s bones, who still sends a current of subtle unseen smiles. The crowd is thick, and more people need to meet the master, so we walk on.

The third chamber is full of rows of believers, and the child’s voice inside me worries if I’ll be able to find a place to sit. There’s a small spot along the wall as the line goes by, into the fourth and final of the open air chambers, where the museum texts are on display. I crouch for a moment, and open mine to find this verse:

“If the Beloved is everywhere,
the lover is a veil,

but when living itself becomes
the Friend, lovers disappear.”

What does this mean to you?

In my reading, this lovely syllogism implies that if the Beloved, that is, God, in whatever standard or Spinozan sense of the word, is everywhere, then the lover, or believer, or practitioner, is a veil, a delicate, temporary barrier before the revealing of the Unity, what the Sufis call Allah.

In the second part, when Rumi refers to the Friend, it is a bit mysterious; in my understanding this is the spirit of loving-kindness, the noble action of compassion, the action of god. So, when one’s life becomes the continous verb of loving, the subject disappears, the ego dissolves into the pouring, when the prefixes in- and out- become meaningless.

I stood and walked into the museum room, where I sit down. My new neighbor is delighted by me, and asks where I’m from. America, Chicago. She does not speak English well, but her son does. Quickly, I am speaking with him on the phone. Mom shows me a picture of him on her camera. Fifteen and handsome. He speaks well, and wants to one day be an English teacher or a doctor. We agree that all cultures have something to share. I tell him to be good to his mother, and hand the phone back. Mom takes my picture.

I go into my writing.

I am now surrounded by Turkish women of middle age, each wearing a peculiarly perfect headscarf: red roses against a black background, turquoise and sand abstract floral, purple sequins. Legs need to be stretched, and no I don’t mind. Rumi says that every being is a jar full of delight, and here, as well as everywhere else, there is plenty of evidence.

A Poem for You: “A Secret Song to Soar Along”

Please breath deeply, down to the belly, and into the space between your shoulder-blades, like your sister taught. Listen very carefully, and feel very calmly, and you will sense the presence of wings sprouting out from just behind your heart. Perhaps they are sinewed and nocturnal, or fluttery and tropical, or white and ethereal. Perhaps they change from day to day; I do not know, but deep, deep in your heart, you already know — It is only a matter of listening.

What sound do your wings make, as you take flight? The engines of imagination are known to sing out like a gospel choir, to growl like a lion cub, to tweet like a bird, or bubble like babbling burble-brook. Each has a nook. As this Earth spins, thermals ignite, and we alight in flight; some are like mystery moths and flippant flames, cartoon wolves and red-dressed dames, hawks and their medieval games; some can spy with eagle’s eyes, soar to after and before, for a chore is not a snore if we admit to adore, if we slip in a secret smile. Remember, you’ll only be here for a while, so let us fly with supreme style, and let us form a squadron, and set off for the sunset.

For we are not done yet.

Drake’s Journal: Oh Dang, Ol’ Delhi

Getting off of flight Air India 121, Delhi to Frankfurt, was like entering into a quiet alien world. Germany may be the opposite of India. Days ago, I was at Karim’s in Old Delhi, right next to the Jama Masjid. The celebrants of Ramadan were streaming out of the Grand Old Mosque, onion domes ringed with lights massaged by the humid air, a great movement of white pajamas streaming out from beneath them, into the somber madness of the old city.

To make it into Karim’s, one dips into a small alley past the sweet shop, and emerges, born again, into the world of halal meats. A great roasting greets the guest, and a rogues gallery of tourists, speaking American, waving their cameras at the flesh on fire. Signs hanging from above proclaimed “We do NOT have branches (there), (there), and (the other place),” for obviously the malintent have leached upon the powerful name of Karim. Allah ackbar. Aye carumba.

The restaurant was packed, even by Indian standards. Families and single dudes kind of queued before the dining hall, forming a line in the way that video game controllers magically tangle their wires at the slightest provocation. I began a conversation with two young Indian men, whose accents too sounded American, but were not, in the manipulative hopes that I would be able to sit with them, as I feared a table of one would never appear in the fluorescent-lit feast. “What’s the best thing to get hear?” I asked them both, one tall and polo’ed, the other in a tee-shirt. “The red meat is very good,” the tall one said. “They’re known for mutton.” This knowledge confirmed that this was the place to make an exception to my Buddha-inspired vegetarianism. That dude taught that if you are a guest at a house, and an animal would be killed for you, to decline it, but if the animal was already killed, and you were to be included in its ingesting, then you may accept it. Seeing that a plethora of beasts were being slaughtered simultaneously in honor of Ramadan, and the butchers were Muslim, I trusted that this is the time and place.

While I was doing this rationalization, my company concluded that the restaurant was simply too full, and departed.

Taqiyah-capped waiters buzzed about of varying sizes, one clearly the general of the bunch, taller than the others, who tended to mill and mumble about. I snuck-forced my way through the families politely waiting, looking for a party to join. I spied a thin young man in a red wifebeater, wearing thick-framed spectacles. A black notebook laid beside him as he tore into his well-laid meal with each hand. Such a debauched pretension reminded me of myself, so I ninja’ed to his table and asked if I could join him.

“’Ello,” he chirped, expertly multitasking between his attack and greeting. His cheerfulness marked him as Australian, which I asked after, “Oh no,” he said, “British. I’m from London.” He had a glow to him. I told him I’d been meeting lots of brilliant Brits. “Yes, kind folks that take you at their tables.” Indeed.

I leered at his feast, bones and sauces collected on the table. Grabbing a hunk of naan with one hand while still chewing a mouthful of chicken or mutton, hard to tell, camouflaged by the dressing. My dinner-table companion had taken on a vulpine quality, even werewolfing in the full moon night, and, with his bashful-playful disposition, took on a certain Teen Wolf Abroad quality. My hunger was beginning to give me the shakes.

I attempted to gather the attention of one of the waiters buzzing around, but they were seemingly all pre-occupied. I longed for the simplicity of Korean dining, where a mere hand in the air and a well-voiced “Yogi-oh!” (OVER HERE! (PLEASE!)) was enough to send a server sprinting toward the table. But this was India, this was Ramadan; things were a bit messy.

My companion, who had yet to reveal his name, explained that he was at the end of a more than half a year trip around the world, through Southeast Asia and India, leaving for London in only two days; I was leaving for Frankfurt in three. We shared wonder at the mad beauty of India, the glory of its disorganization. Something very different than what I would find in Germany.

Geographer by training, bloke’s going back to run the Tube, maybe further encourage the use of those clever rental-bike programs about the city, the only sector of London Transit that’s actually making any money. It’s lovely when environmental and commercial concerns run parallel, we agreed, and perhaps that positivity was enough to attract a server.

I made sure to roder some sort of mutton, as well as a few dishes I didn’t recognize at all, plus accompanied by the requisite roti. By now I was famished, and watching a friend eat, tantalized. Ready.

And Allah does provide. Hunks of meat in thick sauces arrived at the table. My eyes went wide. It was like Christmas morning and Thanksgiving dinner together. “Aye, like you just finished Ramadan yourself,” the Londoner quipped. Indeed. I’d only had peanuts through the afternoon. An arc of bone reached out from a thick spinach sauce, inviting me to grab its handle. I raised the dripping flesh to my mouth, a deep gray-red revealing through the green, and bit in: I nearly fell out of my chair. A near goddamn orgasm. Fatty and full, lightly spiced and gently cooked, so tender I could lay my head on it. Thank the Lord.

And the feast went on. Bread, meat, sauce, repeat. Talking of travels. But there’s no comparison for the first hit. The laddie had been a vegetarian for eight years, and then got to Southeast Asia, and noticed that all the Thai streetfood was meatastic, and had no choice but to comply. And wonder why he didn’t eat it for so long. By now, full of traveler’s tales and roast flesh, we concluded that the time had come to go get our greasy fingers on some sweets to finish things off. I swung my legs out from under the table, waddled to the register, and forked over the most rupees I’d yet paid for a meal in the country. If one wishes to eat like a prince, one will pay like one as well.

Outside the air was hot and holy. The day’s fast was well-broken, and this century old Muslim neighborhood throbbed with celebrant energy. I looked to my right, entranced by the Jama Masjid. Not since Istanbul had I seen this sort of majesty. “I am surprising myself with how much I am attracted to Islam these days,” I said. “Their architecture is just great,” my bespectacled companion encouraged. We rotated to the confections beside us.

Indian sweets are unlike those of the West; they know no moderation. It is though they are made with only sugar, and perhaps some cream for shape. Some appeared to be éclairs, some were square cakes with spiraled pistachios, and the bottom was reserved for a line of yogurts. The young man behind the counter had the winking confidence of the humorously overqualified, and so I asked him what was his favorite.

“Oh, I don’t know!” he said, sweeping his hand behind, and across, the counter. “Probably the Bhappa Doi,” a steamed sweet rice. We each ordered one, and I opted for that mini-éclair that caught my eye, which was, of course, entirely soaked through with sugar water. I split it in half and offered it to my companion. We munched our yogurts and took in the street scene, ignoring the beggars surrounding us with aplomb. We were jubilant, drunk on a season in India. The wires crisscrossing the space above, the rows and rows of shops, and the endless throngs of people, out of the mosque, through the alleyway, sleeping on the streets. This neighborhood would be going until at least three in the morning, even on a weeknight, so powerful is Ramadan. A great collective energy, one that I noted with a hint of sadness, for I felt how soon I was to depart. For a beat we shared a silence, savoring the seconds.

“Ah, I don’t even know your name,” we each remembered. “Luke,” he said, extended a delightfully dirtied hand. I shook it with joy and thanked him for the company, and we agreed to meet in London. He pointed me in the direction of the subway, at we parted, as I turned left across the Mosque.

The subway called to me; I had to hurry to the Gurgaun, the instant-city suburbanizing Delhi, and enjoy one of my last nights with my host Varun. Thin men slept on cardboard on the medians. Rickshaws crowded the lane, painted orange by streetlight. I swung my bag in front of me and sauntered through the tumult. Sucked on a beedi cigarette by the ATM, awash with djinn magic.

As I walked down the street, a rickshaw driver turned around, and,, “20 rupees to the subway,” he said with a sad, knowing smile, “my request.” I told him I didn’t need the ride, thank you. Away from the mosque, the city became quieter, vulnerable. Dogs stirred and slept in doorways. Shops, so alive in the daytime, rested. A mixture of dust and rust in the air.

My metro waited at Chandi Chawk, one of the old center’s numerous markets. Delightful grime. I walked up the perch of the entrance, and the angle of the intersection revealed a low-hanging moon, conspiring yellow in the black above. I pointed at it, recognizing that she’s been up to her old tricks, and disappeared into the underground, my last taste of Old Delhi.

Three Pictures, Two Poems

A Synopsis

The eponymous hippopotamus
chose to remain anonymous.
“What’s in a name?” he drowsed,
a head full of bed,
on an orange mimosa morning,
a spicy samosa snoring,
“It’s all so boring!”
intoned a supine bovine,
hooves all a-clatter,
wolves are what’s the matter,
a splatter of fickle facts:
the Duke wields an axe
so behave, be hooved, or be headed.

 


An Accident

In the mountain mist an arrow
pierced my side, and I staggered,
circled and fell.

“My love, it was for you,”
I said, looking into the sky,
searching for your eyes,
but only seeing my own
“for you, love, for you.”

and I layed myself on the beach and bled
into the foaming shore.
the surf slowly ate my body,
“where did you go, love?
I am lost, love.”

in the caves of my weary heart I looked,
deep into this earth:
blind fish told me she was not there:
“you are a fool, boy, to look so deep
Why would love burrow
when its nature is to fly?”

I built wings, love, to see you, love,
so I could soar too,
but my flight was false, love,
for you, love,
and not so true,

and so I leapt, love,
and so I wept, love,
“Goodbye,” I called,
and down I flew.

Of Compassion, Darth Vader and Dharma

In the quiet thoughtfulness of meditation, I am able to relax not only my mind, but also the parts of my heart which are still hard, the brittle patterns of childhood that remain in me, fossilized, until the crashing waves of travel and family bring them to the surface, a fearful flotsam of what is yet left unhealed. I am learning, slowly, to rejoice in my frustrations. It is so easy, so apparently natural, to be caught in a response of anger or fear and allow that to drive me, mistaking it for intuition, rather than obstruction. When a loved one says something I perceive as hurtful, I feel a sad string plucked in my soul. My body contracts, I pull in my legs and shoulders, trying to protect, to wall off, blinded by the victimhood I’ve clung to for so long.

It is my aspiration to now see beyond the false barrier of my skin, to understand that that curt tone is not the command of a higher power, reconfirming the doubts of my lovability that I have buried deep inside, but, rather, the cry of another soul, equally suffering, equally needing to flourish.

Each person suffers; each desires happiness. I have read of Tibetan monks in fMRI scanners: When the lama hears a woman’s scream, the areas of the brain associated with compassion light up, rather than annoyance or fear, as would be the case with me. Even familial screams, as misplaced as they are, reveal a wish for happiness, and a yearning to be free of suffering. Since my early youth, I have accepted harsh words with a sullen, sunken head and drooping eyes. A passive, woundful morning. So sad I was for myself, seeing but not seeing an abyss beneath me.

In childhood I was so swallowed up in myself: I spent most of my time in the relative safety of my imagination, especially in the forgotten realms of mountains and dragons. I felt everything to be an extension of this domain, my mind: parents and adults and older siblings were these incredible, godlike entities making unfailing pronouncements of the world and its nature.

As usual, art can help understand life. In the study of literature, there is a distinction made in the analysis of round or flat characters. Consider a novel: In some cases, a protagonist will experience many changes in the progress of the narrative, growing and learning along with the reader. This complex development implies roundness, rather than flatness. In some of the best works, an antagonist is also round, revealing changes and complexities within, a braid of causes and effects, driving the development of the character. In less notable works, characters are often flat, relatively unchanged through perhaps hundreds of pages.

The best villains, such as the esteemed Darth Vader, have negative, as well as positive qualities: they seek happiness and wish to free themselves (and perhaps even others) from suffering, but their judgment is clouded by acute ignorance, and that pure, universal desire for accomplishing happiness leads them to the dark side. It is our hope that with study we will extinguish this ignorance within us.

As I grow older, and become more an adult myself, I have begun to understand the complexities and difficulties of my own undeservedly privileged life, and the subterranean selves within me at all times. In a way, I am a tree (a melancholy willow, perhaps?) and within my trunk-heart are the concentric layers of twenty-four young years, and all of the bumps and bruises I received in my growth are still within me.

We work very hard to become people that we like, but we cannot change who it is we were. To put my past behind myself it not the (impossible) goal, for it is already present within me! I cannot sever my childhood from my present, just I cannot (or wish not) to lop off a toe; each would leave me hobbled. I have baggage, as the dismissive term goes. Let’s investigate this phrase, ‘emotional baggage.’ These are the soul-things I carry with me, though I do not always grasp them. But a memory is not a millstone: it is not that I must reject my dysfunctional devices, but rather to befriend them. After all, they’ve been around for a while, and will be with me for a while longer. It seems suitable, I think, to revise my relation, to ally myself with these fearsome character(istic)s, to greet each guest with laughter.

Mingyur Rinpoche says to make friends with these patterns, to expect them,  to see them clearly. This simple viewing, without judgment, creates a degree of space between the viewer and the sensation. Such space allows the viewer to understand that this thought or reaction is not the whole of his or her experience, but a part of it, and in such sight, monstrous might becomes a little bit less. Rather than mistaking the pain as the whole, we see it is a part.

For me, this is one of the great lessons of Buddhism, that all experiences, phenomena, habits, are composed of parts, and that each of these parts is composed of its own parts, ad infinitum. The table is made of top and legs, and each leg its parts, down to the emptiness between quarks. Each experience, too, has a imperceptibly broad range of inputs. The conditions needed to brake for a red light are remarkably varied: You see green shift to yellow, then red, and you understand this to mean “stop” from years of passenger-seat conditioning. Without much thought, the weight of your right foot shifts from the accelerator to the brake,  you judge the pressure needed by your remaining distance and speed, aware of the vehicles around. Reviewing the manufacture of automobile, street, and signal, we see the involvement of innumerable people, all of which have, in some way, contributed to this uniquely everyday moment. A confluence of factors produce every experience, be it the stopping of a car, the raising of a child, or growing into adulthood.

There is talk of a “cycle of abuse”: a man, himself abused, abuses his son; that son, similarly abused, repeats that example for the next generation. Clearly, this coarse description does not capture the whole, but the cyclic narrative holds. As a child participating in such a circuit, I felt verbal abuse to be an assessment of my nascent character, an expert’s diagnosis of the incurable disease within me. As an adolescent and young adult, I often felt anger with this experience, in odd fits of resentful memory: eyes suddenly wide with rage in the shower, shampooed and surly; or gaping into the cool infinity of the dairy aisle.

As I learn more, I begin to understand the roundness of my once-was-villain: The vitriol that once filled my ears and heart was the product of a deep unhealed suffering, another child’s wish to be heard, to be loved, just as I wish(ed) to feel love.

The greatest project in this lifetime is happiness, and the greatest task within that, I think, is the rearing of my own sons and daughters. I can think of no greater present responsibility to them (and their children) than to heal these habits within me. No other mission could be more beneficial to the person I will become, as well as those who will come from me.

I have before run into this notion that because everyone experiences something, it is not significant, in the same way that if everyone listens to your new favorite album, it is not as cool as it would be otherwise. While I am not Kanye West, I must, as each of us must, face my own twisted darkness. With patient, loving mindfulness we must feel the corners of our souls.

Half of America grows up in divorce: those hundreds of thousands of us involved in this should not shrug our shoulders and sweep such trauma under the mouse pad, but rather seek to understand this unique (everyday) experience. Before we can love, we must understand. Before I can fully love myself, I must understand myself. In so doing, I will once again find the many-braided helix of my emotional structure, and see that this ostensibly island life is part of a great continent, and to love and understand myself I must understand those who have hurt me: When I see those abusive actions not as those of a hateful foe but a wounded being, I can not help but have empathy arise within me, and instead of roaring out red hot hate, I instead send out igneous love, the same stuff of my molten core.

I resolve to solve my own fears. I take responsibility for my own mental life. I will, before this life is over, live out of non-conceptual love. This is my aspiration for myself, and my dedication to you.

If we are to have world peace, we must first have inner peace.

Namaste, Drake

*** The above missive is inspired by Joyful Wisdom by Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche, Contemplating Reality by Andy Karr, and The Miracle of Mindfulness by Thich Nhat Hahn, as well as memorable conversations with Liza Baer, Kevin Burns, Justin Cohen, and countless others.