Howdy. Aloha. All is good and good is All.
I haven’t been around, no surprise. I’ve been falling into at least 70 pits a day caused by either college or my boyfriend, or people. People.
Funny how we group us all as one thing, People, and then divide us using that. Black people, white people, skinny people, fat people, transgendered people, normal people, freaky people, stupid people.
I started paying attention to the most negative parts of the world, and oh, are there a lot of them. They’re boundless, they’re everywhere. Stories of the worst possible things a person can imagine, and then stories worst than that; and they’re TRUE. And that’s just what we hear about! Who knows the merciless things that happen BACKSTAGE in this whole life play thing.
And for a while I consumed it, heavily, like it was bloody, fascist ice cream. I payed attention to nothing BUT that. And I found myself slowly getting depressed. And then angry. And then for a while, I actually felt like I hated the world. Hated it, yes, a strong word, but I meant it and I felt it. I was sick of everything and everyone, sick of the lies and the sheer lack of justice and mercy. It was unhealthy and it was getting me nowhere but deeply buried into the lifeless dirt that I surrounded myself with.
I forgot what it was that made me happy. I tried to remember, tried so desperately. Was it this person? Was it that activity? Was it this song? Was it having a clean house, was it the way I used to eat? Should I change the way I look or talk? Why aren’t I happy!? I knew I was at some point, darn it, the SuperForest bookmark on my laptop reminds me that I very much was!
I visited this site again. And next to it I have Jason Mraz’s fabulous online blog, without which, I never would have climbed out of those claws of hatred and negativity.
Because despite the muck in the world, despite my feelings of powerlessness and smallness against everything evil I see around me, I have one thing, one undeniable thing I can hold on to and use not as a weapon, but as a catalyst of growth and progress.
Being positive. Thinking positive and looking at it. I was browsing through Mraz’s journal and your posts and I heard the voice of the All speaking to me and it said “There’s beautiful things in the world. You forgot that. Remember them now, expose yourself to them. As much as you can.”
In this world, it’s all I can do. I’m a tiny little girl, but in spirit, I am a bear. And I will demonstrate that. I will love my fellow man and I will connect with everything around me in a positive light.
No more anger and anguish.
Love and light. And thank you all for making it so easy to remember, no matter how lost I get.