
(image via kenrockwell.com)
con·di·tion·ing (k
n-d
sh
-n
ng)
n. Psychology
A process of behavior modification by which a subject comes to associate a desired behavior with a previously unrelated stimulus.”
Gooooooood Morning SuperForest!
When I was younger, I went through a phase where I had a really tough time peeing in front of people. I’d like to tell you how I took the steps to end this phase and how that can apply to each of us and our growth as SuperForesters.
Okay! So, it is the late 80′s and I’m at the movies. I come out of the theater and head into the bathroom to empty the tanks. The bathroom is packed with men waiting in line to pee. I wait my turn in line, and finally make my way to the urinal, where I ready myself to pee. Then… nothing.
A thought has entered my head: Everyone is waiting for me to perform. The other menfolks in line have noticed that I’m not vigorously peeing and are growing angry. They think that I’m just messing around. They are impatient with me. “Hurry up, kid…”
My bladder, sensing this fear and anxiety, dutifully shuts everything down. I cannot pee. I stand there a moment longer and then zip up and walk away. No use in wasting everyones time.
When did this start happening? I have happily and joyfully peed in front of people before. A series of urinary tract infections in the years earlier had provided me and my friends much amusement as I would gather them into the bathroom to watch as I peed bright fluorescent orange, an interesting side effect of the antibiotics.
But now, I cannot seem to pee in front of people. Where did this start? I cannot trace the anxiety to any one source, and so I’m simply left with it to deal with.
Here’s how I dealt with it:
I had read a book on dog training earlier in the year. It said how you could train a dog to do nearly anything, provided you applied the right stimulus at the right time.
“I can be like a little doggy,” I thought “I can train myself!”
Training began the next time I had to pee. I was at home, alone, and was in a nice calm state of mind. I took a deep breath in, held it for a moment, exhaled, and peed. That became the training: A deep breath in, pause, exhale, relax the bladder, and voila! Peeing on command! Yay!
I practiced this every time I had to pee. Using the breath to calm the body and focus the mind. I was soon ready to try it in public.
The next trip to the movies found me a bit concerned. Would the training work? It worked just fine at home, but in front of others would be the real test. My bladder, full of melted icee, demanded attention. Here goes nothing. I went to the men’s room, waited in line, got to the urinal, readied myself… I took a deep breath. I felt my awareness shift from the room itself into my own body. My breath brought calm, focused awareness. Deep breath in… Hold it… Exhale…
Success came in liquid yellow form that day, my friends.
The conditioning had worked! I had successfully peed in public! Yay, me! A real peeing machine.
I bring this up because this conditioning is exactly what I use now, in every moment of fear and anxiety. When I am triggered I take a deep breath, hold it, exhale, and this shift my energy inwards, focuses me, and allows me a calm and peaceful space within which I can choose my next course of action.
Beyond simply calming myself down and getting focused, the idea that my brain is plastic and that my behaviors and responses can be molded to my liking has served me very well in my life as a SuperForester. Things happen to me that I don’t like, or that stress me out, and in those moments I could easily leak that stress and negativity into my environment by expressing it to the people around me.
But that would be like willingly pouring crude oil onto a beach. Now, when something is happening that I don’t like, I tell myself that not only do I like the stimulus in question, I LOVE it! The thing that is aggravating me becomes the thing that I enjoy the most. That’s what I tell myself.
Some drunk guy yells at me to get my dog away from his car one night, and after a brief flicker of outrage and anger I switch it in my mind. I recast the man as my zen master. He is there to deliver a lesson in non-attachment. If I respond angrily, I have failed the test. If I respond with love and compassion, telling myself that he is there to help me, to guide me and train me, then I win.
And that is how I have come to view every “negative” experience in my life. As a positive lesson in non-attachment and connection to love. With a little practice, you to can have this skill.
The next time something happens to you that causes you grief, or anxiety, or anguish, anything that separates you from love and fun and a calm, even breath, say to yourself: Oh boy! This is exactly what I wanted! I’m going to enjoy this.
You lose your wallet. Yay!
A beloved pet dies. Yay!
You get sick. Yay!
All of us will lose wallets, or have loved ones die, or get sick from time to time. The conditioning handed down to us by culture dictates that when those things happen we must behave a certain way.
I’m here to say that simply responding to events and energy as we’ve been conditioned to is in most instances totally unnecessary and unhelpful. One could argue that grief, and fear, and rage, and rejection of the event that triggered those emotions is right and useful, but ask yourself how much time and energy you wish to give to self-destruction and sadness?
I still have moments when I chose self-destruction and sadness. The difference is that now I do so willingly, and with joy. Joy in sadness? Willingly choosing self-destruction? Yes, indeedy.
It is all in the conditioning.
We’ve been conditioned to behave in ways that are very unhelpful. The first step in breaking that conditioning and replacing it with a new and better operating system is the awareness that we’ve been conditioned in the first place.
Take for example two cultures: The Yahoos and the Wahhs. The Wahhs have a tradition that when a Wahh dies, everyone will get together to cry and wail. They all shave off their eyebrows. They rub ashes all over their faces. They hit themselves with a stick. They do this for a period of one year and then they are free to move on with their lives. That is the traditional behavior for a Wahh when a fellow Wahh dies.
Now take the Yahoos. When a Yahoo dies, a big party is thrown! All the Yahoos get together and one by one they recall not only how great the person was who has passed, but also how great it was that they lived as long as they did. They sing, and dance, a laugh together. They carry the coffin through the streets in an ad hoc parade, singing and dancing all the way. This fun, party atmosphere surrounds a Yahoo death, and by extension all Yahoo life.
I’m not for a moment judging the behaviors and traditions of any culture. Everyone responds to things differently, and that is the wonder of human existence. I’m saying that FOR ME, crying and moaning and wailing and beating myself with a stick are what I’ve been conditioned to do when something happens to me that I don’t appreciate.
I’m over that conditioning. Personally, it feels totally unhelpful.
I would rather respond with joy and love and aloha to EVERYTHING. Everything. Everything “good” and everything “bad.” Joy in victory, joy in defeat. Love and aloha in life, love and aloha in death.
I’m done with beating myself up. And furthermore I’m quite done with being passively conditioned by anything or anyone. I am free to hold every behavior at arms length as I study it and judge for myself whether or not it is helpful to me. I will replace any unhelpful conditioned behaviors with new, better, useful behaviors.
I am free to choose, and to use my choosing machine to make better and better choices. I am free to reject or to apply any behaviors passed down to me by my family, friends, and mother culture.
I am a SuperForester. I am free to choose. I am free to choose choice. And free to relentlessly question everything.
What we call reality, or life, or existence, is really just a long series of choices. Choices made according to conditioning and training passed down. To blindly accept arbitrary conditioning as truth is a waste of a good thinking mind.
You’re about to head off to college. Why are you about to head off to college? Is it because you want to do it? Is it because you’ve been told to do it? Are you doing it because “that’s what everybody else does?”
What else are you doing simply because that’s what everybody else does?
Break free from your conditioning, SuperForesters. Question everything. Question your own behavior most of all. See what feels right and feels wrong TO YOU. Make your own happiness and growth the priority even if it means “disappointing” the people around you who expect to see you behave in certain ways.
Maybe now is not the right time to head off to college? Maybe a few years trekking through Tibet is what your heart is telling you you need? Maybe now isn’t the time to join the Army? Maybe the Peace Corps is more to your liking, even if your dad, and his dad, and his dad, all proudly enlisted.
To simply accept what “is” and give up on exploring new choices and better behaviors is poopy, for lack of a better word.
Now, I’ve got to pee.
I love you, SuperForesters. You are wonderful and perfect and have the most excellent day ever.
-Jackson
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